Sleepless

keys

Hello everyone. 🙂 yes I know I’ve been gone again for a long time. Nothing much really has been going on with us and I’ve been rather busy too. What’s with the title? Not that really is something new. I get about 4-6 hrs of sleep everyday. Just today I don’t think I had ever slept at all. A lot of things have been running in my head. I thought I would really be happy about a recent event that have happened but then I realize what an amount of work and sacrifice is there a to be done. So yes we already, finally got an authority to move to our house and I should be really excited but going there on our own proved it to be difficult to travel because there’s not much option for commute. They have a few shuttle that go round lancaster city but there’s not much of it going around. If traveling will be an issue we will be left with no choice but to really buy a car. I’m terrified of owning a car because big E and I are not very fond of the traffic here in Manila and the very upsetting news on many irresponsible drivers and not to mention those road rages. I just never ever want to get myself into that kind of stress. Being a commuter I’m fine with dealing with the stress by sleeping it off or reading a book. But if we really are to move to Cavite and that would mean sacrificing too much time away from our little E then I couldn’t bare it. 😦 I can’t be separated from little E for too long. It already is a torture that I have to be away from him 9-10 hrs. I just can’t spend any more time longer than that. I already feel guilty for still having a job instead of taking care of him myself but I know I’d feel a lot worse if I don’t help my husband. He’d probably end up finding a job overseas and that’s the last thing I wanted for us to happen, to be separated. Little E loves his papa so much. Anyway so the car is on our priority right now. I don’t know how we are going to manage with furniture if the budget goes mostly on the car. We also have several things that need to be done before we move like grills and cabinets. So many things on my list right now and I just don’t know how and which one to prioritize. I’m also worried for big E because he works in Ortigas. That’s very far from Cavite and the traffic there is so much worse too. All these thoughts kept me awake. I try to rearrange our to-do things but every time I try to put something on top of the list something else suffers. Maybe I just overthink too much. I wish I get better sleep tonight. I can’t help but think if we ever made the right decision. Yes we dreamed of having our own house but if it’s this too much work, if it means spending too much time away from our little E is it all worth it? I really am scared that we’ll regret what we have done.

 

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