The Fall

I didn’t want to post this because I feel very ashamed that we failed. But I decided to share this so that those who will stumble upon this entry will be aware and hopefully would learn something. Ok so this happened this weekend. Our yaya finally decided to leave us without waiting for a replacement (very long story). The house is a mess and diapers and our clothes are piling up and we are infested with bugs and ants. Euan’s legs are filled with insect bites. So we decided to clean the apartment and do laundry. I volunteered on washing all our clothes and diapers and Euan’s stuff toys. E was to look after Euan in our room and after I’m done with my task he cleans our refrigerator and Euan’s toys. While I was busy washing all our stuff I heard a loud thud and followed by a screaming Euan. I thought that Euan just got scared from the loud thud but something about his scream was different so I ran into our room and didn’t notice anything wrong yet and so I asked E what is wrong and then I found out Euan fell from our crib head first! I was dumbstruck waiting for E to say he was kidding. Euan wouldn’t stop crying and it really broke my heart that I started to panic and couldn’t control myself I was crying too. I told E we needed to rush him to the hospital. I didn’t care about my current look. I was wearing a wet Christmas themed 10 years old shorts and top with holes in the armpit and I was wearing no bra and my hair is such a mess. I was ready to go with wearing all that. I didn’t care. But E calmed me down and told me to shower first and change while he watches Euan. I didn’t want to let go of Euan. I have never been so scared and helpless my whole life. So i showered and hurried to change. Euan had already stopped crying and has calmed down and E is trying to make him smile but nothing could make him smile. Sometimes he would make a small sob. We were ready to go now and I am ashamed to admit that at that time I was angry with E because he seemed calm and was making a lot of jokes like telling Euan about being a super man. I was not ok until I know there is nothing wrong with Euan. I snapped at E and even said mean things to him and blaming him. I should have not attacked him like that. I know E was just trying to be calm because it seem to be what I needed at that time. But I lost my filter and all I could think about is just getting to the hospital. I know that E  was worried too and probably was blaming himself already but I was so selfish that I had to say how I was upset with him. So we rush to Medical City emergency room and we were escorted right away to trauma room. They checked for signs of head injury. Asked for questions about how he fell and all the details. They check Euan’s eyes and concluded that a bruise and some minor bump was all he got and it is nothing serious but we wanted to make sure and scheduled for an xray. I started to feel better when Euan was starting to show his old self, giggling and smiling and playful. I was just so relieved. Then the test result came in and we were discharged right away. We were preparing to go out when there was also another baby who was rushed to the emergency room who also fell and hit his head. He appears to be the same age as Euan. He had a wound on his head. The baby’s parents looked to be good people and to be honest I was feeling very bad about my parenting ability that time. Feeling disappointed that I let Euan fall. I should have been there to look after him but instead I was more worried about laundry. But I realize it wasn’t our fault. It was an accident and could have happened to anybody. It happened to me when I was a also a baby and still have a scar in my head as a reminder for it because I really don’t remember ever falling. It doesn’t mean my parents and other parents who had their kids falling are awful. E felt bad after all the things I’ve said to him because Euan fell under his watch but I didn’t hear him out instead I got all judgie. E was there and he just turned his back a second to fold our bed when Euan started to pull himself up using the side of his crib which is the first to happen. When E turned around Euan’s head was already tipping forward and taking with him his whole body. I know E wouldn’t let anything bad happen to Euan. E is protective with Euan and I know that but yet I didn’t thought about it when I was flared up with emotions. Although he didn’t say anything I know I’ve hurt him. So if this should ever happen to you don’t panic like what I did. Try to stay calm and rush your baby to the nearest hospital no matter how little you think the damage is. Don’t go to google or webmd just go to the hospital right away. Don’t pick up a fight and blame who ever was there to watch your baby.

I’m just glad Euan is ok. We are more careful now and would soon be buying baby proof stuff. Euan is really hyper now. Pulling stuff and crawling to reach things and then trying to stand up on his own. I don’t know how we can keep up with him. I so wanted to have more space because it’s just not safe in our little apartment anymore.


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