The day after Euan’s baptism I received a text message from our yaya that she no longer will be working with us because she couldn’t take care of Euan anymore. Euan weighs more than 8 kilos now and the way she puts him to sleep is like he was still 3 months old. I don’t think I can ever last an hour having to rock and bounce and dance him to sleep in my arms. I didn’t have to do that anymore because Euan can sleep after I nurse him. But when I am not around he has to be in his yayas arms and rock him until he falls asleep. Our yaya is a petite girl and I can completely understand if she starts complaining about her back. And so the worst fear that I was hoping would never come is here. The first time I read her text I was just in a mess. I was hurt when she says that she couldn’t handle Euan anymore. I never thought I would hurt this much knowing that someone Euan probably adores by now feels like that towards him. We have done everything we can so that she would stay. We were very generous with her day off, Saturday afternoon till Sunday evening. She wakes up 7am and stops working as soon as I am home at around 5pm. She never has to take care of her food because I have already prepared everything for her. I eat supper before I get home just so she no longer have to be disturb when she is starting to relax. But still it is not enough for her to stay. It took me a while to understand and accept her decision to leave us. I didn’t reprimand her nor have insulted despite what my friends told me. E and I were very nice to her and asked her if she could stay until we find a replacement. She is kind enough to wait though and for that I am thankful. I have already interviewed two candidates both from our province. I like the first one I have interviewed. She sounded sweet and nice and she is a distant relative from my father’s side but unfortunately her children was against her working as a maid. Then last week I interviewed someone from the same village where my yaya came from. She is around her 50s. To be honest I don’t really like her from an hour that we have been talking but she my mom’s friend and thought that we should give her a shot and I don’t want my mom to be insulted if we turn her friend down. It would be very wrong to judge her solely because there are things that we don’t happen to agree. The problem I have with her is she seems to insist on doing what she have been doing with her kids. Formula, cerelac feeding and disposable diaper. Those three are a big no no for me. She was shocked to know that I breastfeed my baby and I told her that it is the healthiest food for baby. She goes on to reply to me that all of her kids are formula fed and all of them are healthy and had never been sick. I had to resort to telling her that I couldn’t afford to buy milk because I just don’t think explaining to her the benefits of breast milk will convince her. And then I told her about the solid food I am giving Euan. She says she can feed baby with cerelac and I have to explain to her we are only giving Euan fresh food. Then she also reacted on our use of cloth diaper instead of disposable diaper. I don’t exactly know what it is she is against cloth diaper but I felt that she don’t understand and was not interested at all on why we are choosing cloth over disposable. I didn’t answer her when she asked me why not disposable. If she were not my mom’s friend I don’t think I would say yes to her. She even already borrowed from me even though she has not yet started to work with us. She goes on to ask that she will start on july because she wants to attend the fiesta in our province. I couldn’t say no because my mom insists that she really is nice. I don’t know but something about her i couldn’t put my finger on. Finding a yaya is really hard enough. This has been stressful enough for me and it has affected my milk output. Was hiring her a good idea? Should I have trust my instinct or should give her a shot. I really am in conflict that I wanted to quit my job but i know that it is not really a solution to our problem. It will only lead to many problems. 😦 I just hope I am wrong about her. I am usually right about my feelings towards people.