Have you ever tried climbing a mountain for hours or joined a 10k run and then towards the end of the trail or finish line you feel like every inch of you can no longer make another move? That you have hit a wall. All you could think of are these lines “are we there yet?”. If i could compare my pregnancy to that I could say that this is the hardest stage. This is where i’ve hit a wall. I never thought i’d feel miserable at some point in my pregnancy. I guess i’m just exhausted these past days. A lot has happened lately with two thunder storm hitting manila that caused heavy traffic. I’d have to endure hours of standing and waiting for a ride home. At one time i got home 2 in the morning because of that. After those incident I’ve been feeling really tired and i guess my immune system was messed up. I’ve been sick for a week when an officemate of mine spread his cold virus. I couldn’t take any medication so for a week i could never get some decent sleep. Then i had to be strong for the week because my in laws have come visited which does not often happen. I’d have to push myself to be there whenever there’d be a gathering with the rest of E’s relative. Not that i’m complaining. I am merely explaining that the things that i could easily do back then is now something i have a hard time coping. There’s just too much in my plate that it kind of makes me feel frustrated and helpless. There’s nothing i hate than feeling helpless.
And so till now i feel really tired with all this pain i feel all over my body. I wish i could teleport myself to work because my 1.5 – 2 hrs of travel for work is really too much for me now. I get to work and i couldn’t concentrate on anything because i just want to rest. My knees, back, wrist and arms hurt. I find it so hard to get up or even walk. Then i have a hard time breathing.
Also my feet and hands are swollen. I had to remove my wedding ring now then it hurts to wear close shoes so i have to stick with sandals. I get embarrassed sometimes when people notice how my feet looks. I do however appreciate the concern everyone has been showing me but sometimes you could never get away from the stinger kind of people. Commenting on how awful and funny looking my feet now is. Yes i have people like that in my life. There also who keeps comparing their pregnancy to mine like “your feet is swollen way to early at this stage of your pregnancy.”. Comments like that really does not help. It worries me and make me feel sad. 😦 Not only is it painful to walk with swollen feet but the not very nice comment I receive is making me all feel worse. However whenever someone tells me something like this “oh no your feet looks very swollen are you ok? you should probably sit down and make sure to elevate your feet.” I wanted to hug that person.
To be honest aside from really being excited to see baby Euan I really want to get pass this part already. I want to take a vacation as early as now but i’m saving up my leave so I could spend more time with Euan once he is out. Flooding, traffic, lousy drivers is something I don’t want to deal with right now. I am constantly worried for my baby boy because i feel it is not safe to be commuting around this time. Sorry for this post. It’s just it’s so hard that I couldn’t do anything and I feel so weak and helpless most of the time.